Self-Worth: How much do you value yourself?
- By drirene
- •
- 04 Dec, 2018
- •
It seems like a simple question but it’s not one that we tend to think about often. We may think about why we can’t seem to get what we want. We may think about why we can’t seem to do what we think we “should” do. We may think about what’s standing in our way of success. But, we don’t often stop to think about how much we value ourselves and how much we can appreciate our own strengths and gifts. Ironically, as a result, we often can’t seem to find satisfying answers to the other questions.
This insight first came to me one early morning while I was walking my dog. Being a responsible dog owner and neighbor, I found myself one morning walking through the neighborhood carrying a bag of, you guessed it, dog poop. I remember thinking to myself, “I wish I could just get rid of this dog poop. I wish I could give it to someone, or leave it on the curb, or just throw it out. I’d do anything to get rid of it.” So far, not great insight, just plain old common sense. Being half awake and slightly delirious, I remember my next thought being, “I wish this was a bag of gold or jewels instead. Then, it would be really valuable. I wouldn’t even dream of getting rid of it or letting someone take it away from me. I’d probably do everything I can to protect it.”
Later on in the morning, when I was fully awake and able to reflect on what I had thought, I realized the true implications of this idea. When we find something valuable and important, we will do whatever we can to protect it and keep it safe. We will take full responsibility of keeping it in our possession. We would be willing to fight to keep it; we would cherish it and protect it. But, if we find something worthless or even offensive, then not only are we not likely to protect it and cherish it, but we are likely to be careless with it and wish for it’s destruction.
If you find yourself valuable, you are likely to do what you can to take responsibility for your well-being and promote yourself in any way possible. You are likely to go that extra mile and even do things that aren’t easy just to protect something that you would not dream of letting anyone damage or take away from you. If you don’t value yourself, then you are likely to be reckless and careless with yourself, your body-mind-spirit, your amibitions and your dreams. Not only are you not likely to put forward effort to protect and promote yourself, you are in fact likely to actively be self-destructive.
So, the decision is yours. Are you gold or are you dog poop? Your future depends on the answer.
In the arena of well-being care, we loudly and regularly support the importance of gratitude. It is an accepted "truth" that appreciating what one has in life supports feelings of joy, contentment and satisfaction. But, this client came across an interesting dilemma. By defining Gratitude as "I have everything I want out of life", he found himself in a paradox. He found himself not giving himself permission to explore the changes he wanted to make and how they would enhance his satisfaction in himself because that somehow felt "ungrateful."
In our conversation, we came to the awareness that my client was stuck in a This OR That trap. In trying to figure out if he was grateful for his life, he had created two categories - grateful and ungrateful - and was trying to determine which one he fit in. But, that mental trap created a categorization that isn't accurate. He was finding himself both This AND That. He was fully grateful for the blessings of his life. AND, he was ready to explore ways that he can challenge himself to achieve new things. Ironically, without embracing that both can exist at the same time, he was standing in his way of truly having either.
Think about the areas of your life that are just not as satisfying as you would like them to be. Are you settling for those areas to be mediocre because you are choosing to focus on your blessings? Are you asking yourself to choose between This OR That in such a way that you don't feel empowered to make changes or feel guilty about wanting more? What if you could do both?
Challenge yourself to define Gratitude as the awareness of your strengths, your blessings and all the things that make your life what you want it to be. Gratitude is not about "my life is perfect." Gratitude is being thankful for the personal power, strength and courage to go out there and always strive for more challenges.
So much of our time and energy can be wasted trying to change something that is outside of our control or neglecting to do something that could bring about something we want. Without exception, this always brings about frustration and agitation.
Serenity, or peace of mind and heart, comes from being able to accept that there are things in our world that we just do not have the power or ability to change. They are outside our domain and outside of our ability to control. Mostly, this falls under the actions of other people. When what we want most is dependent on someone else doing something in a specific way, we need to remember that we cannot make someone do something. The only part we can control is our actions. Sometimes, that means changing our approach to the situation or having the courage to step outside our comfort zone and do something new. Sometimes, that means accepting that we cannot have what we want exactly how we want it. And, although this can bring profound disappointment, disappointment is better than the frustration and anger that comes with continuing to put effort into something that cannot go our way.
The other line in the Serenity Prayer is "...and the wisdom to know the difference." The hardest part can be evaluating a situation to determine where the need for courage ends and the need for acceptance begins. Each situation is different. Often we feel like accepting is the same as giving up. But, it isn't. Accepting allows us to know our limits and put our resources into other things that stand a chance at bringing us happiness.
Wishing you Serenity, Acceptance, Courage and Wisdom!